Obligations for parent and children

            The Buddha’s compassion saw to it that no being exists alone. The world community is a society of beings utterly dependent upon one another. We can do nothing unless we are committed to each other. As human beings we are unique in our ability to see and do what is good and shun what is bad. We can choose to realize this in our speech and action.

                        

We are able develop our inner purity and strength to give, in all our relationships, what if needed by others, We can create a safe and serene society in which we grow.

The basis of all human society is the intricate association between parent and child. A mother’s duty is to love, care and protect the child, even at extreme cost. This is the self-sacrificing love that the Buddha taught. It is practical, caring and generous and it is selfless.

    

Buddhists are taught that the parents care for the child as the earth itself cares for all the parent and creatures. To be filial to the parents and to show respect and care for them is one of the noblest spiritual obligations that a child could shower on his parents. This is fundamental connection that cannot be ignored.

     

 If we give, we give unselfishly, without counting the cost, yet we should give wisely-both as children and parents. Mutual love and respect should be cherished above all things.

Loving kindness is taught by the Buddha as the highest human feeling. All beings live in a world where none can survive without supporting and being supported by others. This is a disciplined and practical way of life for all.

In his discourse, the Buddha has listed certain primary duties and function as essential guide-lines for parents to observe. One of the primary guide-lines would be, by parent, practice and action to lead the children away from things that one evil and through gentle persuasion, to guide them to do all that is good for the family, for society and for the country.

In this connection, parent would have to exercise great care in dealing with their children. it is not what the parents but what they really are and do, that the child absorbs unconsciously and lovingly. The child’s entry to the world is moulded by emulating parental behaviour. It follows that good begets good and evil begets evil.

      A child should be taught to be unselfish and to be able to rejoice in the welfare and well-being of others. They should be guided to resist any impuise that tends to harm others by cruelty, anger or hatred.

          A child should learn to honour other people’s rights and to protect his own, yet be generous enough to be charitable to give freely and wisely. A child should be shown the way to be honourable and pure in word and deed in all relationships and to uphold fidelity as a virtue to be prized.

       He should respect and honour the traditional values cherished by a family and should never give way to temptation or seduction that might disrupt the sanctity of a family. In speech and action, a child should be truthful, polite, kind, just and sensible.

         With such attributes, a child would definitely be a asset to society. A child should be guided to show respect for the aged and towards authority, not out of fear but out of a sense of obligation and duty.

   Coming to adulthood, the age-old parental duty would be to find a suitable wife for the grown-up child. This was the tradition that existed long ago. However with the passage of time and in accordance with moderm trends, such parental duties have been eroded to a great extent that it is now customary for the present day young man to look for his own life partner. The highest gift a man can earn is a good wife.

               One other guide-line enunciated by the Buddha is that the parents should hand over, at an appropriate time, their inheritance to their children. This question of inheritance should definitely be a welcome tradition that no young man is likely to reject but would look forward to with keen and happy anticipation – to play a leading role in the family and in society.

Apart from the guide-lines given in regard to parental duties towards their children, the Buddha has enunciated some useful injunctions or obligations that the children should uphold in respect of their relationships to their parents.

The parents, after completing their parental duties and functions their children, would, in due time, retire or withdraw from the active scene as dictated by nature through old-age or other incapabilities.  By a gradual process of evolution and smooth handing over, the child would soon assume the mantle of responsibility by taking over the onerous family duties from the aged parents, to continue with the family tradition, from one generation to another.

                     In this respect, the young adult who has assumed his new functions, should remember that one of his prime obligations is to care, look after, support and provide for the daily needs of his aged parents. Just as parents have provided for them in their young days, it is now the duty of the young adults to render their filial duties to their parents and to maintain honourable family traditions, by skill and diligence, guarding carefully the family inheritance for the good and well-being of all in the family.

The young adult should act in such a manner as to gain respect and to be worthy of his inheritance. The duties towards parents should continue, even if the parents are no more alive in that a child is expected to perpetuate the name of the parents in the performance of certain spiritual relationships.

            The obligations between a child and a parent, husband and wife, student and teacher, friend and companion, are associations that should be developed gradually, not by force or coercion but by generosity and accommodation, not by threat or harsh words, but by politeness and kindness, followed by soft and gentle speech, in a life of dedication and devoted service for the well-being of one another. The tranquility of the mind arises from purity of word, action and though, and clarity of compassionate understanding arise from unshakeable tranquility. These are basis essentials for a happy family and a happy society.

                   An occasion is recorded when certain sons fulfilled none of the duties prescribed, rather they followed the course taken by the children of Shakespeare’s lear. The story is told in Samyutta Nikãya where an elderly and once wealthy Brahman, coarsely dressed and very weary, visited the Buddha at sãvatthi. He stated that he has four sons who, with their wives, had put him out of their houses. The Buddha advised him to recite the following verses when the populace had assembled in their local hall.

                              Those in whose birth I took delight,

                            

                               For whose existence I had longed,

                                

                               They now together with their wives,

                               

                                Reject me as one would a hog.

           

                             Wicked, contemptible are these

                                  

                             Who spoke familiarly like sons,

                                  

                              Yet far from filial care of me

                                  

                              Now leave me, aged and alone.

                                 

                              Just as a worn-out horse is forced

                                  

                             Away from food and driven from his shelter,

                                    

                             So do these children drive away their father

                                  

                             To beg for alms at other people’s doors.

                                   

                              Better a stick, I say, would be

                                     

                              Than disloyal sons estranging me,

                                     

                              At least it keeps away an ox

                                     

                              Or drive away a pariah dog.

                                   

                              Yet-once bewildered, in the dark,

                                   

                               Now I have gained a solid hold.

                                     

                               Supporred firmly by the hold,

                                      

                              Though once I stumbled, now I stand.

The aged Brahman followed the Buddha’s advice and his sons amended their behavior.

For reward for keeping the rules of conduct, there is given the case of Sakka, ruler of devas. Sakka, when a man, declared he would observe the following seven conditions: he would maintain his parents, revere the head of the family, use gentle language, speak no slander, with a mind free from stain conduct himself in his home with generosity, delighting in renunciation, be willing to listen to petitions, and delight in sharing gifts, speak the truth, and not give way to anger, if anger should arise in him he would repress it quickly. As a result of so living and conducting himself, the Tãvatimsa devas conferred on him the name “Good man” and in due course he became the ruler of the devas.။။။။။

                                                                  ဓမၼစမ္းေရေသာက္သံုးနိဳင္ပါေစ